It’s raining in Rio Rancho. Thank you Universe!

OMG we are getting precipitation here in the High Desert. It will make for a very messy walk with the Basenjis this morning, but boy do we need precipitation.  Yes!!!!

I had the unexpected surprise of sub teaching a couple of yoga classes this week. Hooray!!!!

It totally sucks that I lost my PTA job and income recently due to forces beyond my control.  But a definite sliver of the silver lining is I’m getting on my mat a whole lot more than I was while working in Santa Fe. I’m going to grab every chance I get to teach or take class while I figure out what I’m going to do with my life now.

I am incredibly grateful to be getting back on my mat.  My practice has always help me withstand the rollercoaster of life.

I feel like a broken record talking about this.  I’ll try and keep it short. I’ll try to figure out a way to stop even telling the tale.  I have faith that soon it will fall into the category of blip on the life map of bullshit.  I continue to recognize how good my life is.  Charmed really.

Anyways,

My life was pretty much up-ended last month when my left eye’s vision unexpectedly tanked within a 3 day span.  I honestly feared I was going blind with no warning.  Terrifying and truly life altering.  MRIs/Emergency Room/3 eye doc visits later….. all data consistent with optic neuritis of viral or idiopathic nature.  Not multiple sclerosis, which I now know to be a common cause of this condition. So I’m exceedingly grateful it isn’t MS.

I’m elated that my vision has improved quite a bit after that first wretched week.  My left eye vision still sucks – like I can’t read what I’m typing at all with my left eye.  There really isn’t a treatment for this illness, it is a lengthy “wait and see” what amount of vision that I will regain.   I must accept I will likely suffer some permanent vision loss so that still is scary. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t have doctor blessing to drive. I feel so fucking dependent to go places.  My husband has been a rock-star in terms of taking me places as well as keeping my spirits up.

I grudgingly thank the Universe for forcing me out of a toxic work situation in Santa Fe.  It is a fine clinic, and I sure wanted to remain there for a few years.  I knew I couldn’t sustain it for 10 years, but I sure wanted to work there for a few years. But The Universe recognized that it was still a toxic situation for me – mainly the f-ing rough daily commute.  The Force decided for me that it was simply no longer an option. It’s been a really good change for my home-life to be sure.  Tip of the Positive Iceberg Hit.  I still feel horrid that I had to stop working with no warning at all. I know my co-workers really had to scramble since I couldn’t be there.  I’m glad that they found someone to replace me and therefore to know I should let go of the guilt.  I’m still processing this all honestly.  Harlan and I are journeying up to SF later today to turn in my keys and grab things I’ve brought to the clinic.  Glad he will be there to buffer my emotions whilst being there.

It is time to stop discussing my vision loss scare.  I will scream to cyberspace glee when I’m allowed to drive and when I find a cool PTA job.  But no more re-telling/re-visitng my sob story.  Things are going to work out.

We’re finding time to do a lot of stuff around the house since I’m rather homebound. Another silver lining.  New office furniture and 2 bookshelves for my little yoga studio now tucked in a closet.  I am stowing things nearby but out of sight so I can practice in a serene space. I am a double Virgo and messiness really drives me crazy.

I also think that my relationships have truly improved now that I have more time and energy to give.  So that is pretty cool.

It totally stinks to not have a decent income!  I sure hope that I will quickly score a great outpatient orthopedic position that is geographically far more desirable.  I would LOVE to be able to incorporate a whole lot more of yoga instruction into how I treat patients and students.   Focusing on the proper dynamics of a given PT  exercise such as straight leg raises has been incredibly instructional and I’m glad I have been imparted with that knowledge.  Now I yearn for a situation where I can blend such an exercise into a functional activity based on the needs of a particular client.  1:1 instruction is awesome.  But I would prefer to focus on Therapeutic Exercise with a whole lot less emphasis on singular exercises and the use of modalities such as ultrasound.  It is undeniably debatable whether modalities are beneficial in Physical Therapy.  I truly believe in my heart I’m meant to treat patients with yoga versus electricity.  Just saying.

Again changing the subject.  Here are some pictures taken yesterday at Vivify. I thought yoga pants with full of roses would be perfect for a Valentine’s Day Yoga class.  The anatomical interpretation of our lower extremities is more than debatable, but I still love these pants.

I haven’t been inspired to do much photography during my illness. Until this week I was supposed to keep activity to a minimum. But now I’m cleared to get sweaty and work my body.  Hooray!  I am sure I’ll be getting back to pictures as well.

Hasta la vista baby, it is time for me to ROCK and ROLL for the day.  Dropping off my keys and saying goodbye to people at TS is going to be difficult! But that will close a chapter and who know what now lies ahead!!!

 

 

 

Crabby!!!

Things that currently piss me off (in random order)

  • The sound of Shot-Clocks and Squeaking Tennis Shoes.  (which will become more relevant in very near future, holy hell….)
  • Having to chose between walking dogs and going to yoga this morning (of course the annoyingly cute Basenjis won out)
  • Missing house keys – that turn up on someone else.  Case of mistaken identity.  It happens.  I recognize I should shut the F*ck up and be grateful that they were found after an hour of looking (which gets back to why no yoga class today).
  • Being reliant on other people for transportation.  I feel so !#$!@$!@$ helpless.  I live in the !@#@$# sticks, so public transportation is not an option.  Walking on back roads with 50 mph speed limit seems unwise and unpleasant.
  • Walgreen’s.  I don’t trust their automated line for a second anymore, so I waited for 23 minutes listening to their dreadful on-hold music loop of 15 seconds.  Ears are still ringing.  Was I a really bad person in a previous life or something?
  • The necessity to find a new PTA job thanks to stupid neuritis.

 

What I am GLAD about is that WordPress seems willing to let me post pictures today.  After several days of failed attempts.  I was almost prepared to cancel my subscription.  But for whatever reason, the CyberGods smile upon me.

So I will leave my bitchfest there, for now.  I have someone willing to take me to Walgreen’s.  I will try and remember that mine is a charmed life.

Namaste.

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Finding the fun in it all

So much going through my head tonight. It’s been a lovely weekend, lots of yoga and time with my family. Been getting a lot of fun home improvement projects done around the house.

During the past month since I suddenly experienced major vision loss in my left eye, I have gone through a lot. Three eye exams, 2 MRIs, loss of the ability to drive, to work, to exercise, etc etc etc.  My vision has steadily improved the past two weeks, but not to the point that I’ve been given the go ahead to drive. I really really hope that in a week or so that I’ll get the okay to drive. At least during daylight hours.  I have been beside myself fretting that all this time I haven’t been able to work.

All my tests come back really encouraging, I’m making great progress in the vision department and I’ve been given the go ahead to resume exercising, as long as I refrain from things that would increase ocular pressure and risk potentially flaring up the inflammation of my optic nerve.  That would include pretty much anything that brings eyes below the heart, including bread and butter poses such as downward-facing dog pose.  Overall I have stayed within these parameters, but boy it is getting old.  Even though I know my life is charmed.

But early Friday evening I got a text message that I have been replaced at the clinic. I saw the writing on the wall.  I knew there was little reason to hope that there would still be a job waiting for me when I am able to drive again (I honestly am only starting to feel that to be a when, not if,  in the past few days.  So Friday night I finally given official statement that they have found someone else.  This illness has really been brutal on my physical and emotional levels.  It has been a major mind-fuck that you can leave work one day and just be done. I didn’t see that coming. I like structure, I like predictability and plans.  I’ve had a month of anything but.

I tend to see this forced month as a major bitch cloud with a radiant silver lining.  So many things have been made made possible by my forced home lock-down. I can’t exactly catch a bus from where I live in the middle of nowhere. The first week home I slept,  It’s ben a steady progress since I walked out of the clinic – and that makes me so sad.  But I’ve all along managed to teach yoga classes, something so near and dear to my heart, to have a certain bit of continuity with my Viv family.  Will definitely get back to these issues.

But for now, I’m just happy to watch John Oliver and Cookie Monster.  I’ll think about find the best-est ever PTA job for me, stat.  That requires less than 30 min one direction.  Santa Fe is lovely but it just is too far away from the rest of my world

 

 

Starting to see again!

For those of you don’t know (and those who give a shit – lol)

I have been fighting an unexpected and severe loss of vision in my left eye.  Things were getting heli-dark and blurry 2 weeks ago. Eye doc says eye itself is fine but my acuity is pretty bad (20/100).  He strongly recommended I not drive, work, practice only Yin Yoga (no inversions- including my staple downward facing dog- MEH), and take dogs for short walks.  I’m also to minimize all physical activity.  Boy he was right about losing my energy – I sure slept last week away.  This week I’m feeing quite a bit peppier. But grappling with the fact that optic neuritis, which they think I have -may be simply a viral infection of my optic nerve but neuritis is fairly well associated with developing multiple sclerosis within 5 years.  So I have ben going through hell.  Getting a second MRI, a special one to detect what is going on with the optic nerve, this Saturday and seeing the eye doc next Wed.  So I should hopefully get the great news that this is probably viral, and not MS.

In the interim,

Elated to say that every day my vision improve slowly.  This morning I am able to discriminate colors, and to a pretty decent extent numbers & starting to be able to read from my left eye.  The overall L-visual field seems a **tad** brighter.  I am so hopeful this continues.  That I’m just fighting a virus.  It might be a few months before I will know the extent of damage to the eye.  I have to accept that I might have permanent vision loss.  If so, I sure hope it is correctable with glasses or horrid contact lenses.  Doing a whole lot of praying!

So I have been a total sloth and feel really gross.  So to cheer myself up, I got a hair tint with purple highlights.  It’s nice to do something that you have always wanted to do!!!

 

 

Missing My Vision

I’ve lost significant vision in my left eye this past week. I can make out shapes of objects but everything is super-dim and extremely blurry – I’m 20/100 now when it used to be 20/20 with slight correction.

I am ever so thankful that my right eye is unaffected.

MRI indicates my noggin’ tissue and vascularity looks good. Physical exam of the eye indicates a healthy eye. I have to have another MRI that specifically detects the optic nerve to determining if I have ocular neuritis. If so, I can expect to PROBABLY regain quite a bit of what I’ve lost. It probably won’t completely return to normal. But holy fuck, what if it doesn’t return. Super scary thought!

My doctor says that I cannot drive for the time being, for I have little depth perception and strongly advised me to not work this week and wrote me a note. He told me no yoga poses that bring my head below by heart. This is a lot of bummers in a pile.

Another big bummer is that this disease has a high correlation with MS. Thankfully no plaques were seen in the MRI. So I’m really praying that I won’t develop MS. Wow, a lot to contemplate and mediate upon.

For now, I must practice a whole lot of Yin and meditate upon the fervent hope I have that I won’t be permanently disabled. But also try to remember that I have a beautifully functioning right eye and the visual system is capable of adaptation. And be grateful for the support of my husband.

I can also console myself that I now have a totally legit excuse to wear a purple satin eye-patch. It’s on order, amazing Etsy! Make lemonade out of lemons I suppose.

I can also be pissed that WordPress isn’t allowing me access to previously loaded pictures.  I’ll figure it out later, I really can’t look at computer screens for long without getting a raging headache.

Namaste All, T

Yin Yoga

I’m teaching Yin at 4 pm today at Vivify and I’m trying to get mentally prepared. I have a lot of studying that I’d like to be doing regarding Yin Yoga.  The problem is, life is getting in my way.  I’ve been on a major cleaning purge, so shredding documents from 10 years ago seems necessary to tackle right now.

My shredder has over-heated so I thought I’d pen a thought or two and share a few pictures, of course.

I came across of these 4 Tenets of Yin in a Yoga Journal Article.  There are so many more, IMHO, and but I agree wholeheartedly with them.

  • Find an appropriate edge
  • Be still
  • Hold for awhile
  • release with care

I am trying to come up with a new flyer for my Yin classes.  And a new business card.  I have so many pictures to sort through, debating on bullet points I want to make regarding both.  It seems easier to just shred 10 year old documents. Which I want to get back to, I believe my machine has cooled sufficiently to finish said task.  Then I will turn my focus to changing into my yoga togs and contemplating what poses I’d like to possibly do. I never really know where the sequence will go.  My Yin is pretty much a Vibe-style Yin and I try to consider who is there, not be married to some sort of sequence.  So time to get going!

I have discovered the beauty of parallel bars at work. I look forward to playing with them again this coming week!

Namaste