Potential end of Writer’s Block?

I *really* want to rearrange my blog.  I want to share my yoga pictures but i also want to provide a format for general info about yoga.  And Basenjis.  And New Mexico.  But I find that overwhelming, so I tend to just share pictures about what I’m up to and thinking about. Admittedly rather superficial!  Hopefully now that I can look at computer screens for more than a few minutes I will start to chip away and “church it up”, so to speak.

Five weeks of eye b.s. has pretty much up-ended my life.  It was simply terrifying to consider permanent loss of my vision.  It was really head-trippy to witness what I could see, it was like being on a hallucinogen without it wearing off…. It was very relieving when my vision started to improve….  But finding myself suddenly unemployed has definitely stung.  I understand, I really do, but holy heck it stings.  They couldn’t wait for me to come back to work when I had no idea when/whether  I could do so.  I’m relieved  that a few days ago I retrieved my state license, my belongings, turned in my key, and hugged many of my beloved co-workers.  Chapter officially closed.  Time to move on.  Glad I didn’t cry because Harlan accompanied me and he is my anchor..  After saying my good-byes we went and saw The Black Panther (big time recommendation). Great diversion.  The characters were all so bad-ass.

My vision is still fucked up in my left eye, but each day brings some improvement,.  It’s frustrating that my gains now are not nearly as marked as previous weeks.  Scares me but the eye doc assured me that it was going to be a long recuperation which might not be fully complete.  Thankfully I have been given the go-ahead to drive, work, and do my headstands.  Life is good.!

In retrospect, the Santa Fe job wasn’t the best fit anyways.  i really enjoyed my co-workers but the commute was simply an emotional drain.  No time for self-care at the end or the beginning of the day for the entire work week.  I love caring for others but we do need to find time for self-care.  I didn’t have the time to hydrate, eat, nor even go to the bathroom during my shifts.  That rather sucked. I’ not super surprised I had 2 UTIs and optic neuritis during my SF stint  The Gods Spoke that it wasn’t gonna happen and I’ve no choice but to move on

Ideally my new job will welcome my belief of appropriate yoga exercises coupled with therapeutic exercises personally designed for a given patient’s functional goals and always within their specific plan of care.  I don’t personally believe in modalities and I know I’m not alone.  I also yearn for a situation where I could continue to teach yoga with clients interested in doing so post PT discharge, with knowledge of any limitations they may still have.   I couldn’t do that in SF, since i don’t teach there.  But in RR/ABQ I could certainly offer such services.

In the interim, I know I need to take advantage of the extra time I have to get on my yoga mat.  I’ve definitely done more, but I really want to make it a daily event while I can.  I am sub teaching his morning, which is always my best motivation to go.  🙂

So here are a few pictures of Harlan and I dabbling in some Partner Yoga. super glad that we’ve started to practice together.  I’ll mull how to church the site up, but I first need to focus on getting my day underway and to walk my minions before I’m off to teach! And a few pictures of my Basenji Pile.

 

 

 

On The Road Again

I am elated to say that I have been cleared by the optometrist to resume driving and inverting in yoga.  I’m almost equally glad about the two!  It was a super pain in ass and annoying to not drive since I live in the sticks.  And I couldn’t participate in a huge portion of poses when teaching and taking class.

So I am back on the road.  I found that it actually tired me out to do some errands after a kick ass yoga class.  I believe it it because it was definitely the most active day I’ve had in a month.  I ended up taking a super long nap in the afternoon. Or maybe it’s just getting old!

Some pix from the lovely Vivify studio.. It was a super challenging and fun class, but I realized that I have lost a LOT of strength in the past month of having to take it super easy…..So I have my work cut out for myself. The good things is that while I start to do my work search, I will have some time to get on my mat, hopefully on a daily basis!

 

It was CRAZY to see my depth perception tests from one month ago and two days ago.  Black means you can’t detect anything in that field.  Doc was really encouraged that my vision had improved as much as it had in a month.  Optic neuritis typically takes a long time to resolve, and the extent to which it does can be limited.  My fast recovery is a good indicator that I won’t have much permanent damage. My left eye vision is still pretty blurry.  Electronics screens are really difficult to read.  So I certainly hope for more

I miss inversions

I miss driving too.

Follow-up with my optometrist on Tuesday. Eager.  But what if he doesn’t think that my vision has improved enough to drive? I know it is getting better but also know that I read for shit with my left eye alone.  My overall left field of vision remains in general dimmer than the right, but I can make out a lot of details and peripheral vision is back online

A month of not driving has been hard. A month of fretting about my vision overall has been stressful.  One of my best stress relievers is my yoga mat, but I am really limitied in the poses that I can do without risk of increasing my ocular pressure which can interfere with the healing in optic neuritis.

I know I still have a charmed life. I have no idea the suffering others endure. And someday, no matter what, I won’t be driving.  But right now, having a bit of a pity party, even though I know I shouldn’t.  The heart does what it wants, right?  Despite what hte brain tells it.

Namaste and Blessings, T.

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It’s raining in Rio Rancho. Thank you Universe!

OMG we are getting precipitation here in the High Desert. It will make for a very messy walk with the Basenjis this morning, but boy do we need precipitation.  Yes!!!!

I had the unexpected surprise of sub teaching a couple of yoga classes this week. Hooray!!!!

It totally sucks that I lost my PTA job and income recently due to forces beyond my control.  But a definite sliver of the silver lining is I’m getting on my mat a whole lot more than I was while working in Santa Fe. I’m going to grab every chance I get to teach or take class while I figure out what I’m going to do with my life now.

I am incredibly grateful to be getting back on my mat.  My practice has always help me withstand the rollercoaster of life.

I feel like a broken record talking about this.  I’ll try and keep it short. I’ll try to figure out a way to stop even telling the tale.  I have faith that soon it will fall into the category of blip on the life map of bullshit.  I continue to recognize how good my life is.  Charmed really.

Anyways,

My life was pretty much up-ended last month when my left eye’s vision unexpectedly tanked within a 3 day span.  I honestly feared I was going blind with no warning.  Terrifying and truly life altering.  MRIs/Emergency Room/3 eye doc visits later….. all data consistent with optic neuritis of viral or idiopathic nature.  Not multiple sclerosis, which I now know to be a common cause of this condition. So I’m exceedingly grateful it isn’t MS.

I’m elated that my vision has improved quite a bit after that first wretched week.  My left eye vision still sucks – like I can’t read what I’m typing at all with my left eye.  There really isn’t a treatment for this illness, it is a lengthy “wait and see” what amount of vision that I will regain.   I must accept I will likely suffer some permanent vision loss so that still is scary. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t have doctor blessing to drive. I feel so fucking dependent to go places.  My husband has been a rock-star in terms of taking me places as well as keeping my spirits up.

I grudgingly thank the Universe for forcing me out of a toxic work situation in Santa Fe.  It is a fine clinic, and I sure wanted to remain there for a few years.  I knew I couldn’t sustain it for 10 years, but I sure wanted to work there for a few years. But The Universe recognized that it was still a toxic situation for me – mainly the f-ing rough daily commute.  The Force decided for me that it was simply no longer an option. It’s been a really good change for my home-life to be sure.  Tip of the Positive Iceberg Hit.  I still feel horrid that I had to stop working with no warning at all. I know my co-workers really had to scramble since I couldn’t be there.  I’m glad that they found someone to replace me and therefore to know I should let go of the guilt.  I’m still processing this all honestly.  Harlan and I are journeying up to SF later today to turn in my keys and grab things I’ve brought to the clinic.  Glad he will be there to buffer my emotions whilst being there.

It is time to stop discussing my vision loss scare.  I will scream to cyberspace glee when I’m allowed to drive and when I find a cool PTA job.  But no more re-telling/re-visitng my sob story.  Things are going to work out.

We’re finding time to do a lot of stuff around the house since I’m rather homebound. Another silver lining.  New office furniture and 2 bookshelves for my little yoga studio now tucked in a closet.  I am stowing things nearby but out of sight so I can practice in a serene space. I am a double Virgo and messiness really drives me crazy.

I also think that my relationships have truly improved now that I have more time and energy to give.  So that is pretty cool.

It totally stinks to not have a decent income!  I sure hope that I will quickly score a great outpatient orthopedic position that is geographically far more desirable.  I would LOVE to be able to incorporate a whole lot more of yoga instruction into how I treat patients and students.   Focusing on the proper dynamics of a given PT  exercise such as straight leg raises has been incredibly instructional and I’m glad I have been imparted with that knowledge.  Now I yearn for a situation where I can blend such an exercise into a functional activity based on the needs of a particular client.  1:1 instruction is awesome.  But I would prefer to focus on Therapeutic Exercise with a whole lot less emphasis on singular exercises and the use of modalities such as ultrasound.  It is undeniably debatable whether modalities are beneficial in Physical Therapy.  I truly believe in my heart I’m meant to treat patients with yoga versus electricity.  Just saying.

Again changing the subject.  Here are some pictures taken yesterday at Vivify. I thought yoga pants with full of roses would be perfect for a Valentine’s Day Yoga class.  The anatomical interpretation of our lower extremities is more than debatable, but I still love these pants.

I haven’t been inspired to do much photography during my illness. Until this week I was supposed to keep activity to a minimum. But now I’m cleared to get sweaty and work my body.  Hooray!  I am sure I’ll be getting back to pictures as well.

Hasta la vista baby, it is time for me to ROCK and ROLL for the day.  Dropping off my keys and saying goodbye to people at TS is going to be difficult! But that will close a chapter and who know what now lies ahead!!!

 

 

 

Crabby!!!

Things that currently piss me off (in random order)

  • The sound of Shot-Clocks and Squeaking Tennis Shoes.  (which will become more relevant in very near future, holy hell….)
  • Having to chose between walking dogs and going to yoga this morning (of course the annoyingly cute Basenjis won out)
  • Missing house keys – that turn up on someone else.  Case of mistaken identity.  It happens.  I recognize I should shut the F*ck up and be grateful that they were found after an hour of looking (which gets back to why no yoga class today).
  • Being reliant on other people for transportation.  I feel so !#$!@$!@$ helpless.  I live in the !@#@$# sticks, so public transportation is not an option.  Walking on back roads with 50 mph speed limit seems unwise and unpleasant.
  • Walgreen’s.  I don’t trust their automated line for a second anymore, so I waited for 23 minutes listening to their dreadful on-hold music loop of 15 seconds.  Ears are still ringing.  Was I a really bad person in a previous life or something?
  • The necessity to find a new PTA job thanks to stupid neuritis.

 

What I am GLAD about is that WordPress seems willing to let me post pictures today.  After several days of failed attempts.  I was almost prepared to cancel my subscription.  But for whatever reason, the CyberGods smile upon me.

So I will leave my bitchfest there, for now.  I have someone willing to take me to Walgreen’s.  I will try and remember that mine is a charmed life.

Namaste.

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Finding the fun in it all

So much going through my head tonight. It’s been a lovely weekend, lots of yoga and time with my family. Been getting a lot of fun home improvement projects done around the house.

During the past month since I suddenly experienced major vision loss in my left eye, I have gone through a lot. Three eye exams, 2 MRIs, loss of the ability to drive, to work, to exercise, etc etc etc.  My vision has steadily improved the past two weeks, but not to the point that I’ve been given the go ahead to drive. I really really hope that in a week or so that I’ll get the okay to drive. At least during daylight hours.  I have been beside myself fretting that all this time I haven’t been able to work.

All my tests come back really encouraging, I’m making great progress in the vision department and I’ve been given the go ahead to resume exercising, as long as I refrain from things that would increase ocular pressure and risk potentially flaring up the inflammation of my optic nerve.  That would include pretty much anything that brings eyes below the heart, including bread and butter poses such as downward-facing dog pose.  Overall I have stayed within these parameters, but boy it is getting old.  Even though I know my life is charmed.

But early Friday evening I got a text message that I have been replaced at the clinic. I saw the writing on the wall.  I knew there was little reason to hope that there would still be a job waiting for me when I am able to drive again (I honestly am only starting to feel that to be a when, not if,  in the past few days.  So Friday night I finally given official statement that they have found someone else.  This illness has really been brutal on my physical and emotional levels.  It has been a major mind-fuck that you can leave work one day and just be done. I didn’t see that coming. I like structure, I like predictability and plans.  I’ve had a month of anything but.

I tend to see this forced month as a major bitch cloud with a radiant silver lining.  So many things have been made made possible by my forced home lock-down. I can’t exactly catch a bus from where I live in the middle of nowhere. The first week home I slept,  It’s ben a steady progress since I walked out of the clinic – and that makes me so sad.  But I’ve all along managed to teach yoga classes, something so near and dear to my heart, to have a certain bit of continuity with my Viv family.  Will definitely get back to these issues.

But for now, I’m just happy to watch John Oliver and Cookie Monster.  I’ll think about find the best-est ever PTA job for me, stat.  That requires less than 30 min one direction.  Santa Fe is lovely but it just is too far away from the rest of my world